I got blanked on Monday. Good blanked. It was the outworking of a promise from my friend Jonathan a few weeks back, which I wrote about in a post entitled “Blank Me”. It turns out he was as good as his word.On Monday morning I was walking to work, dressed as Bob in my conservative suit and tie. As I approached the pedestrian crossing just in front of my office, I saw Jonathan coming round the corner towards me. I only looked at him directly for a brief instant while he was still around 25 metres away from me, and there was no eye contact, but in my peripheral vision I saw him approach and stand next to me at the crossing. He said nothing, made no greeting, and I did likewise. We crossed the road and went off in opposite directions to our respective places of employment. Jonathan had promised that if he saw Bob, he would blank him. He did. Thank goodness for that, I really couldn’t face having to interact with him as Bob.
I was texting Jonathan last night arranging to meet up for a coffee and a chat next week, and all was normal, with not a mention of the blanking. At least, I assume it was a blanking. It is possible, I suppose, that he was in his own little world and didn’t even notice who was standing beside him at the lights. I’ll ask him when I see him.
I related this tale to Mrs K on Monday evening as we drove home after work. At first I had to explain the background to the situation, namely that the last time I had seen Jonathan he had said that he had accepted me as Kirsty now, and that he didn’t want to muddy his view of me by dealing with Bob too, and at the same time he is aware that I don’t want to be seen as Bob either, so he was both doing me a courtesy and simplifying his own interactions with me by only having one version of me to worry about. I found Mrs K’s response rather infuriating.
“He can’t deal with two versions of you? Just imagine how difficult is it for me having two versions of you to deal with!”
Sorry I try to be as understanding as possible but aaarrghh!!! Firstly, she doesn’t have two versions of me to deal with because she refuses to see me as Kirsty at all, and she hasn’t seen me-Kirsty in nearly two years. The only version of me she ever deals with is me-Bob. Secondly, and more significantly, she is the reason why there continue to be two versions of me. I would much prefer there to be just the one version, the female version. I have voluntarily agreed to delay coming out to wider family, friends and colleagues until 2017 to give her time to get used to the idea and to give her, as she put it, one last year of normality. If it was up to me, I’d be full time now. So if she would prefer there to be just the one version of me, it can be arranged very easily.
I continue to be unable to get a doctor’s appointment to get myself on to the waiting list for the Gender Identity Clinic. Several times every day for now 15 days in a row I have attempted to book myself an appointment only to find a message that there are no appointments available. I even got Mrs K to try yesterday, just to check that there wasn’t a problem with my access. No appointments available for her either. Calling the practice is no use either, when I actually can get them to answer the phone they just tell me that they use the same online system for bookings as I’m trying to use and if there are no appointments, there are no appointments. The only thing they can suggest is that I turn up when they open one morning at 8.30am and try just for a walk-in, but I really don’t want to do that. I need a date and time to build up to. I’ll just keep plugging away until I get something. And as I said last time round, it’s not going to stop or even delay me going full time. To me, the social transition is more important and feels more pressing that the medical transition, so if the latter has to wait a couple more months, so be it. I want both, but the former is more urgent.
I’m going to finish off this short (for me) post with an advertising feature. From time to time I have written about my support group the Belfast Butterfly Club, which is where I met my dear friends Andrea and Michelle, among several others. Andrea has long since spread her wings and moved on to bigger things, but Michelle and I remain very much fixtures at the club, which provides support for the nervous first-timer (as I was myself not that long ago) as well as premises and a base from which to strike out into the world for those of us with a little more confidence, but who remain part-time. It has been an absolutely invaluable part of my life for over two years now. Well the club is celebrating its Silver Anniversary this year, having been founded way back in 1992, and as part of the anniversary celebrations we are having a 25th Anniversary Dinner at the Europa Hotel, Belfast on Saturday 18th June. This features a three-course meal and guest speaker in Belfast’s most famous hotel, with a bit of music afterwards, not to mention a great opportunity to get dressed up to the nines. Tickets are now available from the club at £40 per person. I appreciate most of you who read my blog aren’t exactly in the locality, but just in case anyone fancies a visit to Belfast for a nice meal and a great evening on 18th June, please contact the club on firstname.lastname@example.org for further information and say Kirsty sent you. All welcome, trans* persons, friends and family alike.
I’ll let you in to a secret – well not exactly a secret, I just haven’t spoken about it yet. The writer of one of my favourite trans* blogs on WordPress is flying into Belfast for the weekend of the anniversary dinner. I’m not giving away who it is (unless she wants to reveal herself in the comments!) but she is someone who has been on a huge journey over the last couple of years, and who has become a good online friend in that time. I can’t wait to meet her in person!