The last time I updated this blog I wrote about the feeling of suffocation that I was experiencing as the dysphoria kicked in probably worse than it ever had done before. The good news is that for now at least it has lifted a little. Oddly enough (or perhaps not that odd at all) it was a bit of exercise that helped. I had a fairly intense cardio workout at the gym on Sunday afternoon, after which a lot of the bad stuff seemed less important. It was like pressing the reset button.
In other good news from that trip to the gym, after six months of watching what I eat and taking regular exercise I have reached my target weight of under 13 stone and in fact tipped the scales at 12st 11lbs (179lbs/81kg) and 18% body fat. That’s down from 15st 1lb (211lbs/96kg) and 31% body fat at the end of February this year. I am completely thrilled to bits with this, so now I just need to make sure I don’t let my weight drift back up again. My weight loss was triggered by a photo of me that I took back in February the first time I presented as female – I might have thought I looked pretty good, but in a side view the belly was very evident, even under a waspie. So discovering my inner woman truly has made me healthier as well as happier.
There was a bit of an interesting conversation in work last week. As I have written about before, there is something of a running joke in my office about me being a bit camp as a man. In fact it was such a comment that lead to me coming out to my friend Lauren several months ago. There were around 4 or 5 of us from my team having a general chat on Friday afternoon, and I was talking about how Mrs Kirsty and I had been considering getting a Summer House in our garden. There were all sorts of “amusing” suggestions for what I could use this garden room for, when one guy, Graham, said “You could keep your dresses in there and if you put up curtains you can go in there to get dressed up”! Ha ha ha. I laughed along. The conversation moved along on to different subjects, then while speaking I made some sort of gesture which was construed as being “a bit camp”, and someone said “You know, I think it’s only a matter of time before Bob comes out as gay. How long do you think it will be?”. Then there were a few guesses made before Graham interjected;
“No that’s not right. I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. Give it another year or two and Bob is going to come in here in a dress and announce that he’s going to be Roberta from now on.”
Lauren and I looked at each other with eyes open in shock and I turned to Graham and asked “How did you know?”. He laughed. But I didn’t deny it. The whole thing was clearly said as a joke so my response was taken as me playing along with the joke. Probably. Still a bit of a surprising thing to randomly come out with though!
Speaking of Lauren, she and I had to travel to a meeting a couple of days ago and so ended up sharing a car for about two and a half hours. We had a lovely chat about all sorts of things, but she was asking me about my trip that I’ll be going on soon (still keeping the details of that vague!). She was asking if I had picked my outfits, and I described the dress and shoes I was going to wear to this event. So Lauren gave me loads of suggestions for make up, nail colours and all sorts of other good stuff to help me be as gorgeous a woman as I can be. Then she asked what I was going to wear for travelling, and I replied that for comfort I was just going to wear jeans, jumper and ballerinas. This was greeted with a certain amount of skepticism. Surely, she thought, wearing something so relatively unisex as jeans and a jumper would just make me look like a man in a wig. So I showed her this photo. She exclaimed “Oh my god you just look like a girl!”. Well thank you Lauren, that was just about the nicest thing you could have said. 😃😃😃
As I set off for the Butterfly Club on Wednesday night I received a text from Michelle;
– Nice surprise tonight
I was pretty sure I knew what this meant, but I replied just to make sure.
In the six months that I have been going to the Butterfly Club I have never seen our president, Linda, presenting as female, or “dressed”, as she would say. (I’m not a fan of that term, it makes it sound like she is naked the rest of the time). In fact, it has been nine months since she last “dressed”, which she tells me is a record. But in honour of our German guest Monica, she had initially decided to come dressed last week, but then reneged on that, but only for a week as it turned out. But there were a few things to do before I would get to meet Linda en femme…
It was great to get out on Wednesday night up to Lisburn. Particularly good because I hadn’t seen my BGF Andrea for a couple of weeks, and she has certainly had an eventful couple of weeks (see her blog for details). But before meeting up with Andrea I did a quick trip to Tesco and Boots in order to do a bit of window shopping for the various types of makeup that Lauren had suggested to me. I didn’t buy anything because I want try Superdrug as well, since I have a feeling it may be a little cheaper, but my beautiful (ahem!) visage is taking shape in my mind.
Anyhow, for the first time in a month I met Andrea at Costa Coffee for a chat before going along to the club. She has had so much of note going on in the last few weeks that we had a lot of catching up to do. It was so nice to see her again after her escapades. I had missed her. So we sat drinking our coffees and (in her case) eating a panini and chatting away to our hearts content, happy just to sit here and be part of the real world as the women we are. Eventually one of the staff came across to tell us they were closing the shop, so we had to leave. We made a leisurely exit and then stood talking in the car park for at least another ten minutes before driving off to the club…
…and there was Linda, opening the door to us in all her finery. It was great after all this time that she had finally come as her female alter-ego, I was beginning to wonder if all those photos of Linda on the club website were photoshopped!
I was pleased to see that Monica had come again too, and after a few greetings Andrea embarked on a potted history of her last few weeks – now that is a drama and a half! Since it was already nearly ten o’clock by the time we arrived, the evening was much curtailed compared to the usual nights in the club. However, with it being such a special occasion with Monica’s presence and Linda being, well, Linda for a change, we took a commemorative photo. Another of our members, Jane, was happy not to be in the photo so offered to act as official photographer, first with Linda’s camera, then my iPhone and finally Monica’s phone. And the result is on your left, while I expect to see the official version off Linda’s camera appearing on the club website soon.
In my last post I briefly mentioned in passing that I had bought a plain black top from M&S in an ongoing quest to find something to wear with a skirt that goes with nothing. Well on Wednesday night I wore that top and skirt, and I must say I was very pleased with the result. Even if Andrea did still manage to outdo me with the most gorgeous pair of embroidered/embossed jeans. But for all that, I felt good about how I looked all night, which definitely helps with confidence. Then when I stood up to walk across to the settee for the group photograph Jane nodded and smiled at new and said something along the lines of “Very nice”. I looked quizzically at her and she added “You’re the bee’s knees. You wear it well, you look fabulous.”. Well thank you so much, and cue Kirsty’s head swelling to the size of a hot air balloon.
All too soon it was long past 11pm and time to go. A very memorable evening indeed. Next stop, another shopping day with Andrea followed by the October outing of the Lisburn Ladies Fine Dining Club. And after that? Well, something that I am very excited about, and about which I have been keeping my powder dry for a while, but suffice to say for now that Kirsty’s first ever holiday is imminent, plus I’m going to be meeting my friend Ruth Martina in person for the first time.
Talk soon, take care one and all